Life in LARGE PRINT!!

It's been 2 1/2 weeks since we got married and it's been it's been 2 1/2 months since THE STROKE.  Married life is good but not how I envisioned it to be.  None of this is how I thought it would be.  None of this is how Bob thought it would be.  It seems like it's been lot longer than 2 1/2 months.  Some days are really long and hard, and others are relatively good ones.  Tuesday was hard.  I feel like maybe I should give up on trying to make Bob "busy" because I don't know what else to do.  I had a thought that if I bought him a book--like a Patterson book or a Bourne Supremacy-type book in large print that he would read like he used to or at least attempt to do so.  My new daughter-in-law reminded me that there are libraries nearby.  DUH!!!  So I decided to take Bob to the library.  I was so excited.  I had come up with a plan.  He would find a large print book and come home and read read read!  Wrong.  I'm always wrong.  He agreed to go but when he got there he was unhappy and he wouldn't tell me why.  I reminded him to look sideways at the book titles and I thought he could probably make out enough to see what books he might want.  I "helped" of course by throwing out comments about authors and titles, etc.  That only upset him.  I walked away and saw him pick up a couple but then he announced that he was finished and wanted to go.  I quizzed him about why he wouldn't just get one book, bring it home and see if it would work.  No.  He would not explain, he would not even attempt to clue me in.  That is what makes me a little angry.  He said he didn't know why.  Now the subject is closed.  OK, today I give up. 

I guess I thought I could make him do something.  I can't tell if it's just plain stubbornness, or a control issue or both.  But his brain won't allow him to do what I ask him to do!  Whatever!!!  So, the only thing he is doing on a daily basis is take the trash out, watch TV and sometimes "clean out" his workshop which is a continual process.  I don't care but I can't stand the constant TV all day long.  So I keep turning it off and then he turns it back on (if he can find the remote -ha, ha).

I saw a post on the national stroke association website about some stroke victims who have lost all motivation to even go to rehab.  I hope that doesn't happen to Bob.  We went to the VA today and he looked forward to it.  He needs that.  Of course, he didn't like it that he ended up talking to a psychologist.  He's "old school" when it comes to things like that.  He's a man, you know.  Men don't need any help like that, you know.  But Bob does love to go places!  Now he might not like where he goes and then won't get out of the car.  He won't get out of the car to go to the grocery or drugstore unless I can make him think I need him to help me with something.  And there is the risk that he will argue with me in public (and not quietly either).  He never did that before the stroke.  This is a risk we now have to take though, just to go places--even out to eat.  Lately, since we've been back from the honeymoon it seems like it's more evident.  The man of steel is having a lot of trouble with this.  But knowing that other people have it so much worse then Bob & I do, I really am not allowing myself to do too much complaining.  God please take care of us! 

Strokes do such a number on a brain!  And what they do is devastating, confusing, destructive, large or small, crazy and very very hard on us!  Doctors can't explain everything and all they can go on is what they know has happened to others with similar cases.  The symbol for a stroke is a lightening strike according to the National Stroke Association website.

From the home of Hope & Courage,
Jody

Psychic or psycho?

A: Supervisor. 

Q: What does Clark Kent wear to keep the sun out of his eyes?

A: Until he gets caught.
Q: How long does a United States Congressman serve?

Lois is Ed McMahon.  I'm sure you know who that is, right?  I'm dating myself aren't I?  Too bad.  I am Ed and Superman is Carnac the Magnificent.  That is the way our conversations go.   

  Lois:  Bob, dinner's ready.  Your plate is on the table.

   SM:  Where do we eat?

   Lois:  At the dining room table.  Your plate is on the table.

   SM:  Where is that? 

   Lois (very patiently):  Where we eat every meal.  Your plate is on the table.

   SM:  Is this my plate?  Is this mine?

   Lois (again very patiently):  Yes, sweetie :)

I mentioned before about the pill search and the stolen beer search, but have I mentioned the discussions we have about crazy things?  Well, just today, we were at Lowes deciding on new blinds for our new windows in the condo.  He argued with me in front of the nice Lowes' saleslady about whether these blinds were for the outside of the condo or the inside.  I kept saying, "Honey, they are for the inside.  We've never had blinds on the outside of the windows.  That's just not what we're talking about."  Well, that started a 5-minute discussion about outside blinds and he could not get it.  Needless to say, as the transaction proceeded, I felt the need to tell the nice lady (very quietly and so that he couldn't hear) that Bob had a stroke a couple of months ago so she wouldn't think he was just a little on the loony side.  It made for a fun trip to Lowes!!

I think this problem is about his cognitive thinking ability in addition to memory.  Sometimes he talks about things or just mentions something that just doesn't make logical sense.  I think that is a little worse than it was before.  Maybe he has had another mini stroke.  I realize that could be possible, but there really isn't any way to tell.  They don't show up on CT scans unless they are clustered (this is my understanding anyway).  He can't have an MRI because of the metal plate in his head (result of a Vietnam War injury).  So, I'm diagnosing him myself. 

Superman wouldn't know it but Lois is very frustrated this week.  We are settling in as Mr. & Mrs. Superman and we are fine.  But I guess I'm scared as well as frustrated.  I'm scared that he will never have any more memory back.  His vision will probably return.  But the memory, that is the major frustration.  I know it must be harder for him though.  I'm just the observer here.

I left Superman alone a couple of times this week.  He has been just fine by himself and I know he likes it.  Time will tell whether he can fix his own lunch though.  If I am gone during lunch, I try to plan ahead and leave it in the refrigerator ready to eat.   I only hope my sweetie can find the fridge :) 

Smoking update:  I don't think he's been able to find his "dealer" in the last couple of weeks.  The painting and siding repair around the condo property has stopped.  Now, a couple of days before the wedding, his buddies took him out for beers kind of like a bachelor's party. When they dropped him off at the front door, he had a big smile on his face (mmm I hope that was just because he was glad to see me) and he smelled of smoke.  Now the local establishment where they took him is not my idea of a good place to go--a smoky bar.  So he probably had a couple of cigarettes because the smell of smoke would overtake you when you walk in the door.  Any cigarette junkie would not be able to control the urge!  He either got his last puffs in and has not wanted another one, or like I said, his connection has disappeared.  Whatever the reason...no smoking!  Yay!

Change.  We all have to deal with it.  Most people really don't like it.  But Lois Lane wants change!  Right now, it's hard to see it and I want it.  Maybe I'm going a little nuts.  Frustration is taking it's toll.  I hope not, cause if I go crazy we are all in big trouble.  I am impatient and want his recovery to be obviously better like soon.  But, to be honest, I haven't seen much improvement in a while and I guess it's such a slow process that I won't see marked improvement like I did before.  He's staying the same.  His memory has good days and bad, good minutes and bad.  But this last week, like I said above, I feel like he actually may have regressed a little.  It might be my imagination, it might be that I am with him minute by minute.  Don't know.  Am I going nuts?  Boy is it frustrating!

This might not be the most upbeat blog but I guess it reflects my mood this week.  I'm not complaining, I'm just worried and as always impatient.  I do believe that things will get better.  They have to get better.  I know in my heart that things could be so much worse.  He's blessed.  I'm blessed.  God, I thank you for Bob's progress and please continue to bless him.  God, I know change is good!

From the home of Hope & Courage,

Jody

And they lived happily ever after...

Well, we did it!  Superman & Lois got married and went to Costa Rica for a honeymoon! Bob seemed perfectly at ease and didn't forget anything!  It was a perfect April day to have a wedding!  Everything went off without a hitch and all the planning was worth it.  It was so special to have all our families there and to have my son walk me down the aisle (or actually we kind of danced down the aisle to "Fly Me To The Moon" by Frank).  Bob looked so handsome standing with his two good-looking boys waiting for me.  My best friend, Julie, and my sweet daughter, Jennifer, looked so beautiful being my bridesmaids.  Even Bob's new grandson, Weston, let everyone know he was participating with a special squeal toward the end of the ceremony.  I will always remember the way Bob looked at me when Mike (the minister) said we were married--the look of love.  It was the most wonderful day for Superman & Lois.  The day before the wedding, the rehearsal dinner at Paisano's in Norcross was a blast!  Everyone had a wonderful time and ate really good Italian food.  Bob visibly enjoyed himself and couldn't have been more "together" the entire time. 
                                            

Bob's sister and her husband came up from Florida for the wedding and stayed with us.  We enjoyed them so much and they helped me out enormously.  Gale is an artist and is a very creative person.  They brought us the most unique and adorable wedding gift--a ceramic sculpture of two lizards kissing wrapped around each other with their tales coming together in a heart (don't think it's R rated - just PG13)!  It's light pink and light green and it's at least a foot wide.  It sounds crazy and it is, but it's adorable.  She said she knew we didn't need anything but she wanted to give us something that made a statement about us.  She hit the nail...  I love it!  It's on the bookshelf in the living room.

In Cost Rica, we had a very relaxing and wonderful time.  We really didn't do a whole lot, but it was a very nice just to do nothing which we both needed.  I would say the only negative was that Bob's visual impairment kept him from enjoying much of the resort.  I felt sorry for him and hindsight says that we should have waited to go on a trip until he had recovered more of his sight.  But we did and he did enjoy himself.  We enjoyed being with each other!

As I try to resume a "normal" routine, one without wedding lists to make, I see Bob doing the same thing.  Again, we need to find him things to do.  Since our VA routine has been cut out by his therapists dismissing him, he will need something to look forward to each day.  He needs routine and something to do. I'm at a loss.  He says he's going to paint the deck furniture but I don't know if that's too much of a job for him.  He says he needs to reorganize his workshop but I don't see how he can do that.  I guess we will see.  I pray that God gives him some more sight soon so he can be more productive, not for my sake, but for his sake. 

My daughter-in-law and my son (and grandkids) gave us another very special gift--a lovely plaque that reads "And they lived happily ever after."  Words to live by!!

Thank you to everyone who helped with the wedding and who came to the wedding.  It would not have been so beautiful had you not been there to experience it with Bob and me.  Thank you God for everything You have given to Bob and me, and please continue to bless him with strength and endurance, and please give me daily patience and a peaceful spirit.   

From the home of Hope & Courage,
Jody

Piddling and Pilfering

If you know someone who has ADD then you will understand.  I've only known Bob for going on 10 months now and obviously what I know I love.  I know that he had to have had Attention Deficit Disorder at some level his whole life.  I know that Bob was an admitted "piddler."  Now I'm from the South and we all piddle.  Now the first definition in the dictionary of "piddle" is not the one I'm referring to (look that one up yourself-yes, we all do it).  It's the second:  to spend (one's time) aimlessly; fritter.  That's what Bob did and he admitted to this trait with pride.  Since the stroke, it's doubled.  It is definitely good for him to be busy and I try to give him projects to complete.  We are getting ready for company so I had him help me get the deck somewhat ready.  He couldn't stay on task.  He got so frustrated and overwhelmed.  When he worked at his job everyday he was able to stay on track.  The stroke has taken away what ability he had to do that.  The stroke has also taken a lot of physical strength out of him.  He doesn't have the capacity to work at something for very long.  He gets bored and he gets tired.  He has to take a nap most every day.  He never used to do that.  All because of the stroke. 

The question of the day used to be "Where are my pills?" but that question is ignored by this writer and by my doing so, he eventually finds them and proceeds to take the right ones.  Now the newest question to haunt me is "Where is my beer?" or the ever popular accusation "Someone has stolen my beer."  Now it's just Bob & I and I don't drink beer, so....you do the math!  It's usually around 5:00 or 6:00 in an afternoon that this phenomenon occurs but I have tried to ignore it, but since the beer in question could be anywhere in Georgia, I usually have to get involved.  Poor Superman, some bad guy stole his beer.  Now, in addition to that crime, apparently other objects have been reported "stolen" lately.  Occasionally, Buzz (the cat) is accused of this criminal activity and without a fair trial I might add.  But a number of items like Bob's baseball cap (any one of about 20), the remote control, his comb, his razor (now in force), his phone, etc. etc. etc.  I rest my case.  So who is this evil bad guy that is lurking around the condo?  Taking all of Bob's stuff?  Lex Luthor?  Nah.  My job, as Lois Lane, is to convince my sweet, but forgetful, Superman that he simply cannot remember where all of his stuff is at the moment.  Patience, patience, patience!!!   

Update on the beard situation:  We went to the Barber around the corner and he had it shaved off.  He has his sweet face again.  But I have a feeling that I better not get used to the face.  He has said he's planning to grow another one.  He liked not having to shave everyday.  Maybe he will get it trimmed once a week just for me?

Another milestone this week:  I have so much yet to do for the wedding and the trip that I left him for about 1 1/2 hours the other day.  It was his napping time, so I figured he couldn't get into too much trouble, and he knows how to dial 911 and my speed dial number.  It all went well.  He didn't run away.  He was fine when I got home.  I'm going to leave him again for a couple of hours on Thursday.  His progress allows me a little freedom and besides he is sick of going everywhere with me.  One day at a time...

This is National Stroke Awareness Month!!  You can learn more about it and about strokes in general at the following link.  www.stroke.org

Well the next time I blog will be after Bob & I are married and we get back from Costa Rica.  I didn't realize until I got online last night that it's all the way on the other side of the continent.  A long flight!  And it's going to be HOT!!  Now the normal temperature is around mid-80 like here in Atlanta but yesterday it was 100 degrees and felt like 112!!!  Well, if it doesn't get much cooler, I will spend most of the trip indoors in AC!!  And that's ok cause I'll be with Superman.  He will make it all very special! 

From the home of Hope & Courage,
The future Mrs. Superman!

Good Day Sunshine!

Wasn't this a beautiful Easter Weekend!  Full of Sunshine!  This Easter Sunday is really a special day.  To me it's always special just for what it stands for.  But this year it takes on an additional personal "special."  It's special because yesterday I got to briefly be with all four of my grandchildren and watch them be their beautiful selves on a beautiful Easter Saturday afternoon at beautiful farm in Rutledge, Georgia.  Special to be with family that I don't get to see except a few times a year.  Special in that this year, I have Bob in my life.  Even though he's not completely my ole Bob yet, we're getting there.  And we're getting married in 6 days!!  Yikes!!

I feel like my "to do" list gets longer instead of shorter.  By getting ready for the wedding, Bob adds to the list and not always on purpose.  We've been talking about what he will wear, and we had already had his new white shirt washed, starched and ironed.  So I thought we were somewhat ready.  He told me on Friday that his new navy trousers needed pressing.  I looked at them and didn't see what he was seeing.  I kindly said, "honey, they look alright to me, in fact, they were cleaned back before Christmas, and I don't think you've worn them since."  Well, I guess I didn't have Superman's X-ray vision so I couldn't see all the deep creases in the pants.  And by the way, apparently Lois Lane can't iron creases out of Superman's pants.  We had to make a special trip to his favorite dry cleaners.

Bob also needed to pick out his shoes.  He has loads of shoes that he's had for years.  Don't think he's thrown or given away a pair since the 60's.  So when I asked him what shoes he wanted to wear with his navy sport coat and pants, his response was funny.  "Shoes?"  He paused.  I looked at his puzzled look and couldn't help but laugh.  I knew what he was going to say next.  I just knew.  "Do I have shoes?  Where are my shoes?"  We fell into hysterics.  We have begun to laugh a lot at these memory lapses.  He knows how ridiculous it sounds.   I'm so glad that he laughs at himself sometimes.  Laughter is the best medicine, you know.

So are pills.  Pills that have to be taken morning and night.  For Bob it's a memory thing.  Apparently, before I came into his life and BS (before stroke) I quote, "changed everything" he had sort of a routine where he took his blood pressure pills at the kitchen table.  They sat in white VA pill bottles on a lazy susan.  Well, since we now have Buzz the Cat we can't leave things like that out on tables.  Buzz would have a field day knocking them down like crazy.  So they are now in such a nice orderly Sunday-Saturday AM/PM kryptonite container to make it easier for Superman.  And they are housed in the bathroom where it seems more than logical to keep ones pills.  Every morning he asks me where his pills are and I tell him and/or show him.  But today I stopped telling him and told him he would have to find them on his own.  And, after a little frustration, he found them.  And tonight, the same thing.  He remembered.  This is huge because what he's doing is establishing new routines and remembering them as daily routines.  According to the therapist, it is a really big deal.  Today I also got a lot of "I know, I know's."  I reminded him of several things during the day because I didn't think he remembered, but apparently he did.  What a beautiful day this was!  So, this Easter is very special for all of us.

From the home of Hope & Courage, Happy Easter!
Jody