Losing Control

I really think Bob has been having some mini-strokes for maybe a month.  He admitted just yesterday that there have been times at work where he got very confused and disoriented.  We went to Mexico two days after Christmas and at the Delta counter he had one of those little episodes.  I didn't connect it with a stroke or anything but he did get very confused about his I.D. and passport.  And his short term memory had been getting worse and worse.  I just thought he wasn't paying attention to me (you know like men do naturally).  I even thought he was deliberately being a pain in the rear.

Well a week ago last Thursday he apparently had another "confusion" episode and of course didn't tell anyone.  On Friday, he felt awful, he had a small driving mishap at work, and then he bumped his beautiful Corvette into someone parked in the snow.  He complained of a slight headache and he took an aspirin before he went to bed (I think that aspirin saved his life).  He woke up and didn't feel like going to work.  Now anyone who knows Bob, knows nothing but a vacation could keep him from work.  So this was odd...he also couldn't manage his cell phone.  I feel awful now that I couldn't see what was happening.  That morning he kept telling me he just didn't feel like himself and his visual depth perception was a "bit off."  He was kind of quiet but he went outside and salted the driveway so I thought he was feeling better.  When he came inside, he tried to see his e-mails but said he couldn't focus on the computer screen.  I began to worry.  We took his blood pressure--it was fine.  He began to speak in gibberish.  I was scared and I called his son and then dialed 911.  Things started to spin out of control.

So, they took Bob to the ER and he stayed in the hospital for a couple of day.  They tested him, all but an MRI because he has a metal plate in his from a war injury.  But yes, he had a stroke.  Parietal Lobe mainly.  He doesn't have right side peripheral vision and depth perception & focusing issues.  His short-term memory is much worse.  Therapy began in the hospital:  Speech therapy for his "aphasia" which is like calling a sofa a bed, and not being able to express himself fully and completely; writing and reading and some memory work.  Occupational therapy for his vision issues mainly.

Bob came home and the hardest thing he has to deal with, I think, is the loss of control.   Like I said in the first blog, Bob has always done whatever he wanted to do.  Lived like he was charmed.  Thought he was always in control - WRONG!!!  He was never in control, and now he knows it.  We talked about this the other day.  God is the only one who is in control.  That is hard for Bob like for everyone really.  His life is now dictated by his present disabilities and Me.  I'm the bossy one.  It's tough to lose control and then realize life will probably never go back to what it was before.  Not that it will be worse - only different.  So while God is in control, we pray that He steer Bob right back on the track.

From the home of Hope & Courage,
Jody

Superman & Lois Lane

Stroked:  a striking of one thing against another; blow or impact of an ax, whip, etc. a sudden action resulting in a powerful or destructive effect.

I am 60 years old.  I've been married twice and really never thought I'd be married again.  An then on my lat on-line date, I met Bob.  He is the dearest, sweetest, most thoughtful man I have ever met.  He's 63, balding, white haired and a gentleman.  I thank God for Bob.  He has made me so happy just in the last 8 months.  We are now engaged and plan to be married in the Spring 2010.  He is the love of my life.

Then a little over two weeks ago, Bob had a stroke.  Our lives changed.

I thought Bob was Superman.  So did he.  He survived Vietnam with three (3) Purple Hearts!!  The man was invincible.  So he lived his life like there was no tomorrow.  He worked everyday up until his sroke.  Now he is alive but he's not the same.  So Superman is not infallible.

I guess I created this blog to talk about what we are going through, to visualize the hope and promise that all will be ok and maybe some normal life will return some day.  I have hope and I know that our prayers will be answered.  We have been stroked.  I also want to share my efforts to be Bob's Lois Lane now that he needs kryptonite.  I don't know if Lois ever prayed, but I do all the time.

My grandchildren gave me two adorable stuffed animals when I was injured in a fall a couple of years ago.  One was a dog and one was a teddy bear.  I named them Hope and Courage.  They live on my guest room bed.  I will always have them with Bob and me.

From the home of Hope and Courage,
Jody