Update from Metropolis

I know.  I know.  It's been way too long since I did this.  I guess I could say no news is good news!  Life is really OK.  Superman is doing well.  He has accepted his vision problems.  He has accepted the fact that he can't drive anymore.  He's accepted the fact that even kryptonite can't even save that part of him.  He's doing really well.  The memory and the vision, I think, are as good as they will ever be.  But that's alright.  We deal with it.  He is actually well enough for me to go back to work.  I've gotten a job and start soon.  

I'm looking forward to it and so is Bob.  We need a little space.  Even though I love this man.  I need some space. Superman has little fits of frustration, little episodes of over-sensitivity that he didn't ever feel before the stroke, and an occasional burst of "mad.  But his original personality has slowly come back.  I probably said that when I met Superman he was the sweetest superhero I ever met.  That sweetness has slowly started to come back.  It's nice.  

In addition to that he tries to create projects for himself now.  Little projects around the house, fixing things, taking dishes out of the dishwasher and he even has a little tomato garden on the deck.  I'm very proud of him.  He tries to be productive and that makes him feel more independent and useful.  

God has been with us every step of this journey.  I'm still scared a little about the future, but I know I have no control.  So, you move forward with faith and you trust.  I have learned to accept and appreciate.  Appreciate our life right now.  Accept Bob's limitations.  Accept that I have no control.  Most of all accept the grace and blessings that have been given to us with thankfulness and much appreciation.

Just wanted to say that Superman and Lois Lane are doing just fine.

From the home of Hope & Courage,

Jody

Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird. It's a plane. It's Superman!

"Yes, it's Superman - strange visitor from another planet who came to Earth with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men. Superman - who can change the course of mighty rivers, bend steel with his bare hands, and who, disguised as Clark Kent, mild mannered reporter for a great metropolitan newspaper, fights the never ending battle for Truth, Justice and the American Way."  

Yes, Bob, alias Superman, is alive and going strong.  His medication for his memory is doing remarkable things.  He's almost back to normal.  It's wonderful.  He still has a little short-term memory loss but the big things he seems to remember.  His vision is still an issue but I think it's better also.  At least it seems so.  He's cooking out on the grill, he's helping around the house and trying to do projects.  WOW!!!  Right now, we are blessed - life is good.  In fact, Clark Kent is showing up now and then.  You know, the sweet old Bob (I mean Clark).  The really sweet man, I fell in love with last summer.  But who always thought he was Superman (in disguise of course) and nothing could ever harm him.

Now we still have our moments, where I don't know what he remembers and what he doesn't and he gets irritated with me for "telling him what to do."  But Lois is doing OK, too.  My patience is better than it used to be...I guess it had to get better huh?  

So, I'm reporting good things.  I know life is full of surprises and unforeseen events, so I'm living in the moment.  Superman is living in the moment and right now he is "faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound."  I'm sorry if that reference just goes over some people's heads like a flash but us Baby Boomers know what I mean.

I thank God every day and since I've given it all up to him and I have stopped worrying on a minute to minute basis, things are good.  That's just about all - THINGS ARE GOOD RIGHT NOW!!! 

From the home of Hope & Courage,
Jody

Stand By Your Man

I really do not like that Tammy Wynette song "Stand By Your Man."  I always thought it was absolutely ridiculous for a woman to accept the weakness of "her" man and just stand by and allow him to be an idiot and then forgive him.  I don't know the whole story about that song, but I always thought she was singing about George Jones (the biggest idiot).  Nope not me!  Well, according to the Serenity Prayer, we pray for the ability to accept what we cannot change, courage to change the things we can, and wisdom to know the difference.  I am trying to apply this prayer to my acceptance of Bob and the way he is right now.  I also know that I must change a lot about me, too.

Superman is better.  He's been on a memory medication that is wonderful and I can tell a big difference.  His vision isn't much better but maybe that will come later.  What's different is his memory and his cognitive thinking ability.  He is also beginning to do some projects (small ones) around the house.  The part I'm having trouble with is the smoking.  Since he's so much better, it seems he remembers he's addicted to nicotine - like big time!  He asks me now a couple of times a day to drive him up to the QuickTrip and buy him a pack and I say no.  I have been lecturing him that they will kill him or put him in a vegetative state, etc. etc.  He doesn't care.  He really doesn't care.  So, I think he's killing himself.  His addiction is so strong that it doesn't matter if he lives for me, or for his grandchild or his kids.  It makes me so angry.

Today, I'm working on acceptance because I cannot fight his stubbornness and his determination to be independent in this capacity.  I said it before I won't be his policeman.  Now, I know he can't work and he can't drive.  The two favorite things he did.  So I believe that smoking is something he CAN do and he can have control over.  I pray for the ability to accept this and move on.  I love Bob and I must accept him for what he is doing.  I don't have to like it, and I don't have to buy the cigarettes, but I do have to accept this behavior.  I've only been married for 2 1/2 months and I don't think I can say "it's me or cigarettes" (I'm afraid he'd say the cigs).  Maybe if I'd been married 20 years it would be different.  I met him and fell in love with Superman just as he was - a smoker.  It's just the knowing that now each cigarette brings him closer to a big stroke and I'm scared to death.

I know that the defiance is part of the stroke but it's also part of the man.  A man who has always been independent and has lived hard all his life.  And, face it woman of the world, all men are basically very selfish creatures.  This is a known fact and an indisputable one.  So add selfishness to the package and what have you got?   Superman!!!

Good news is that he is doing so much better that I can take a full time job soon (as soon as I can get one).  That will be good for both of us.  We're talking about getting a dog and I think that would be great for Bob to have a companion while I'm at work.  Let you know!

I pray that I can live the Serenity Prayer.  I pray that God grants it to me and to all the other woman out there who are caregivers in one way or another to their stroke victim husbands.  Amen.

From the home of Hope & Courage,
Jody

Power Outage

This week was painful.  First of all, I had minor (compared to brain surgery anyway) surgery on Monday.  I'm still sore and still taking an occasional pain pill but overall, I think I'm going to live.  Phew!!  Lois Lane is going to be fine to help Superman save the world.  Superman on the other hand is having trouble with adjusting to the situation.  I think it's because our everyday schedule has been disrupted.  He likes a schedule (sort of).  He only had to stay by himself for a couple of hours on Monday while I recuperated from surgery and then on Tuesday until my daughter came and picked him up to go get me from the hospital.   As a result, Superman had to fix his own lunch on Tuesday!!  (da da da DUH)  I called him from my hospital bed around lunchtime on Tuesday and tried to instruct him in step by step on making a sandwich.  He can't see good enough to find items in the fridge.  So I remembered the meatloaf wrapped in aluminum foil and told him to get it, some ketchup on the door and bread on the counter.  He was set!!  When my daughter came to the hospital to pick me up, along with Bob and my future son-in-law, she told me what she had found when she had gone to my house.  

"Mom, there was remnants of some kind of sandwich on the counter in the kitchen.  He had made a sandwich out of chocolate cake and ketchup."

We couldn't help but to burst out laughing.  Apparently, Superman could not distinguish between a gooey chocolate dessert and my meatloaf.  How in the world did he eat this I asked him.  He said it did taste a little funny.  Ya, got to laugh!!!

Also, this change of schedule, where I'm mostly lying in bed all day, has made him even more fidgety.  He is going stir crazy because I can't drive and so he asks me for the car keys.  Again, the "Hide the Keys" game becomes daily!  I promised him when I could drive we'd go on errands, have lunch out and do whatever he would like to do.  Not good enough!  He takes a lot of walks outside which ends up being good for him.  Of course, that's just my opinion.

I'm a lot better now.  I can fix lunch and even heat up leftovers so things are starting to get back to normal.  Lately though, Superman is showing SUPER STUBBORN POWER!!!  I guess if you are Superman, you are allowed to have this super power.  I, being Lois Lane, didn't realize that this was a super power until now.  I have had to brush up on a well-known womanly power known as "anti-grump-stubborn-irritable male" power.  You know the one ladies.  It gets us through those dark days when men have turned themselves into annoying beings.  So armed with my super power I will combat his super power and we will see who comes out the winner.

We have to go to the VA this coming week.  A doctor's appointment and vision testing.  Busy week.

The Power struggle between men and women is ongoing.  When a situation evokes the necessity for one person to exhibit "power" over another then there lies the problem.  But Power really only comes from God.  If we accept this in our lives, the more peace we will experience.  I wish Superman would relinquish his power and realize that my efforts are for his own good and that the big stuff I leave to God. I've discovered the Serenity Prayer.  It's not just for recovering addicts and alcoholics but for anyone who needs patience and acceptance like me (and Bob).  I want to thank God for all he has given us and pray that I have enough strength to face the future with Bob.

From the home of Hope & Courage,

Jody

Don't Worry, Be Happy!

Often in my life a little rain must fall.  In fact, in everyone's life rain falls.  But, thanks to the wonderful traits handed down to me from my late mother, I make the rain worse by worrying about where it will fall, how hard it will fall, will there be lightening or thunder with the rain--you get the drift.  I, unfortunately, have passed this trait onto my kids.  Poor dears.  I know intellectually that I don't need to worry, in fact, it does no good to worry.  I have no control over most things and so it's futile to worry about anything.  But I do.  Now I mostly worry about Superman!  Lois worries about Superman!  I have to have minor surgery tomorrow and I will be gone for one night.  His son and daughter-in-law will be staying with him but I still worry about when I get home and I have to be taken care of.  Will he be OK?  I'm sure he probably will but nevertheless I will worry.  

There are things I have to take care of to make sure Superman will be OK.  Things have to be left out on the kitchen counter because he can't find anything in cabinets.  We have to rehearse where food is in the refrigerator, change the cat litter (that's not for him), and lots of other things.  I got up this morning worrying so much that everything wouldn't get done.  Now, I am a list maker, so the list was written and crossed off.  There's one more thing I had to do.

I had to hide my car keys.  Superman keeps forgetting that he can't drive.  Now, don't worry, you don't have to hide because of the threat of Bob in his Corvette!  Not gonna happen!  I think it's just so hard for him to accept the fact that he can't drive.  He forgets and says things like, "Give me the keys and I'll take this trash to the dumpster."  Very casually.  I have to then give him the reality check.  Its so hard.  He immediately argues with me and tells me that I can't tell him what to do, etc.  I have to just walk away or we will argue and it doesn't do us any good.  I guess we went through that about 5 or 6 times this week.  It's not new but more frequent.  I've decided to hide my keys just in case.  I'd love for Superman (alias Clark Kent) to be able to drive Lois around in his cool car.  It would be like it was before.  Before the stroke.

Smoking Alert!  He has gotten a pack of cigarettes somewhere and he's hiding them.  Don't know what I can do about it.  I might have to go on a hunt during the middle of the night...in other words, RAID!!!

I have so much to worry about I could do just that all day long!!!  But I must put it all in God's hands. 

From the home of Hope & Courage,
Jody

Superman's Strange Case

The story of "The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" is that of a dual personality disorder of a scientist.  Today the term "Jekyll and Hyde" is used to mean that the two personalities of a person are very different in moral character from one another.  That's not the case in this story of Dr. J and Mr. H.  This story of different temperaments or moods goes on in my very own condo.  Yep, Superman is struggling with two personalities.  I know it's because of the stroke and I keep having to remind myself over and over.  I read that the caregiver must realize that the emotions of the victim are coming from the stroke not from his own self.  So I can be mad at the stroke not at the man!  I know this intellectually.  When Bob and I first met he was such an easy going guy.  I don't remember him ever changing his mood much and he rarely complained.  Now he stresses, gets irritated and downright mad and I'm the recipient of all of it.  I am the bad guy!  I am the enemy when the "other" personality of Superman appears.  It is amazing how he can perk up when we see other people though.  Why is that?  When we go out, he can be the old Bob and so friendly and nice and happy go lucky!  It's infuriating.  I know it's because I am the day to day person in his life.  I'm the closest. 

I think (and I'm analyzing here) that when he gets up in the morning he realizes that he's not the same.  It's like waking up and still being in a dream or in this case, a nightmare.  He's not the same.  He can't see well.  He can't read.  He can't drive (even though he thinks he still can which makes me hide my keys) or work.  He can't remember.  I have to constantly remind him of the CANs.  He can walk and talk and think.  He can carry on a conversation with anyone.  He can be part of a relationship with me.  He can hold his baby grandson and watch him grow up.  He can get married and have his grandson be at his wedding.  He can take care of all his daily needs except for fixing food.  That's a challenge because he can't see where the food is or remember where things are in the kitchen.  But there are soooooooo very many things he can do.  He is so blessed that the stroke did not do more damage.  I am so happy for that blessing.

There are times when I have to just let him be his unhappy self.  I bite my tongue (not an easy thing for me to do as anyone who knows me can attest to).  There is nothing I can do about it.  I can't fix Superman.  I have no responsibility to be the fixer.  All I can do is be here for him when he needs me; or if he wants to vent about things.  But men don't talk about issues whether they've had a stroke or not.  I think women handle everything better than men because we have the ability to talk about everything.  But this Dr. J and Mr. H. thing is hard on a new marriage.  But I don't know what I'm talking about (according to Superman).

There are lots of good times in our young (I use the term loosely) marriage.  Superman and Lois live a good life and really can't complain.  I love him, he loves me and most every day there are some definite high points.  It's a work in progress -- just like all marriages.  I just have to be on guard and make sure I don't let my emotions get in the way of being patient and strong.  I pray to God to please give me those qualities so I can do and say the right things in order to help and not hinder Bob's progress and our relationship.  I thank Him so much for His blessings.

This coming week we go to the VA for an appointment with someone that maybe he will talk to.  It couldn't hurt and I think it just might help.

When anyone asks Superman how he is feeling or just how he is in general, he responds:
     "I'm fine, great."


From the home of Hope & Courage,
Jody

Come sail away!

Sailing

Takes me away

To where I always heard it could be

Just a dream and the wind to carry me

And soon I will be free

I loved the song "Sailing" by Christopher Cross.  Remember it?   He painted a picture with his voice and words.  It was so nice to listen while closing your eyes and visualizing the peacefulness.  Life can be like that and then some.  Life can be like sailing on a large sailboat.  First of all, this time last year I would have no way predicted that I could find the love of my life, gotten engaged and then married.  I just let the life's sailboat carry me through the rough waters to the calm waters of last year.  I met my Superman.

Then came some rough seas.  The AS (after Stroke) time warp!  I, of course, would never have predicted that I would be daily helping my soul mate navigate through his life because of a stroke.  You know that's a good word--navigate.  I'm definitely the one trying to steer the boat through this first stage of our marriage.  Don't get me wrong, Bob is better.  If I look back to the day I brought him home from the hospital, he's so very much improved.  That's what I have to do--look back to the beginning to bring myself forward.  That is way I realize improvement.  He is helping me at the helm little by little.  So as I attempt to navigate, with God's help, I notice some strange and wonderful things on our horizon.

I have decided that Superman & Lois have SUPER GRANDCHILDREN!  Of course, we do.  Yesterday, Bob and I spent the evening with my family for the April birthday party.  The celebration consisted of my granddaughter Olivia's birthday, my new grandson, Daniels, first birthday in the USA, even my youngest granddaughter's March (they snuck her in), and my birthday as well.  It was such a lovely get together and Bob and I enjoyed watching the kids do their thing.  Daniel with his Star Wars paraphernalia with Ava helping him while watching a Star Wars movie on TV; Olivia being a beautiful 13 year old observing just from the outside the main circle and Brady catching fly balls with his Dad, my son, Brad.  We enjoyed every minute. 

Last weekend, we spent an evening with Bob's new grandson, Weston, Bob's youngest son, Matt and his wife, Anne.  Bob is so full of joy watching that little baby and every time we see him he changes.  That young family is on our horizon.  Today we will see Bob's other son, Mike and his wife, Dianne.  We'll probably go out to lunch and have a really special afternoon.  This is our future.  This is family.  No matter what lies ahead of our journey, the families will be there; the grandchildren will be there.  Constant ships on the horizon!

The unknown is there though.  Those unknown unrecognized blurry objects that you can't really see out there even when you look through your binoculars!  While standing on the swaying deck, you can't see them; they are obscure.  As I try to steer us through one step at a time, I keep hitting those small iceburgs (in Georgia?) or maybe it's just large waves in Lake Lanier?  As Bob gets better, he also becomes a little more depressed.  It's the realization that he is not working, that he can't handle the finances, that he can't drive; I guess all the can'ts.  I try to remind him that Superman has come a long way baby!  He CAN be left alone for short periods of time.  He CAN remember better than he could before.  He CAN see a little better than he did before.  The CAN's do outshine the can'ts.  Now it's the mental and emotional aspects of Superman that seem to overcome our daily lives.  

Please God, steer us on the right course.  Please make our journey the one you want us to take.  Please give Bob & I patience to endure the crossing.

I have found a fantastic discussion group on the National Stroke Association Facebook page that has opened my eyes and given me such an awareness of other stroke caregivers and victims.  The woman on the Spouse Caregivers discussion group are amazing.  They are a handful of women from around the globe who have put their lives on hold for their spouses.  They care for the loves of their lives and are angels with huge wings!  To participate in this group make me realize that my small issues with Bob's stroke symptoms and behavior are so minimal compared to what these women have gone through and are still going through on a daily basis.  It also give me a place to vent knowing that these women have been where I am and beyond.  God bless them all!

From the home of Hope & Courage,

Jody

Life in LARGE PRINT!!

It's been 2 1/2 weeks since we got married and it's been it's been 2 1/2 months since THE STROKE.  Married life is good but not how I envisioned it to be.  None of this is how I thought it would be.  None of this is how Bob thought it would be.  It seems like it's been lot longer than 2 1/2 months.  Some days are really long and hard, and others are relatively good ones.  Tuesday was hard.  I feel like maybe I should give up on trying to make Bob "busy" because I don't know what else to do.  I had a thought that if I bought him a book--like a Patterson book or a Bourne Supremacy-type book in large print that he would read like he used to or at least attempt to do so.  My new daughter-in-law reminded me that there are libraries nearby.  DUH!!!  So I decided to take Bob to the library.  I was so excited.  I had come up with a plan.  He would find a large print book and come home and read read read!  Wrong.  I'm always wrong.  He agreed to go but when he got there he was unhappy and he wouldn't tell me why.  I reminded him to look sideways at the book titles and I thought he could probably make out enough to see what books he might want.  I "helped" of course by throwing out comments about authors and titles, etc.  That only upset him.  I walked away and saw him pick up a couple but then he announced that he was finished and wanted to go.  I quizzed him about why he wouldn't just get one book, bring it home and see if it would work.  No.  He would not explain, he would not even attempt to clue me in.  That is what makes me a little angry.  He said he didn't know why.  Now the subject is closed.  OK, today I give up. 

I guess I thought I could make him do something.  I can't tell if it's just plain stubbornness, or a control issue or both.  But his brain won't allow him to do what I ask him to do!  Whatever!!!  So, the only thing he is doing on a daily basis is take the trash out, watch TV and sometimes "clean out" his workshop which is a continual process.  I don't care but I can't stand the constant TV all day long.  So I keep turning it off and then he turns it back on (if he can find the remote -ha, ha).

I saw a post on the national stroke association website about some stroke victims who have lost all motivation to even go to rehab.  I hope that doesn't happen to Bob.  We went to the VA today and he looked forward to it.  He needs that.  Of course, he didn't like it that he ended up talking to a psychologist.  He's "old school" when it comes to things like that.  He's a man, you know.  Men don't need any help like that, you know.  But Bob does love to go places!  Now he might not like where he goes and then won't get out of the car.  He won't get out of the car to go to the grocery or drugstore unless I can make him think I need him to help me with something.  And there is the risk that he will argue with me in public (and not quietly either).  He never did that before the stroke.  This is a risk we now have to take though, just to go places--even out to eat.  Lately, since we've been back from the honeymoon it seems like it's more evident.  The man of steel is having a lot of trouble with this.  But knowing that other people have it so much worse then Bob & I do, I really am not allowing myself to do too much complaining.  God please take care of us! 

Strokes do such a number on a brain!  And what they do is devastating, confusing, destructive, large or small, crazy and very very hard on us!  Doctors can't explain everything and all they can go on is what they know has happened to others with similar cases.  The symbol for a stroke is a lightening strike according to the National Stroke Association website.

From the home of Hope & Courage,
Jody

Psychic or psycho?

A: Supervisor. 

Q: What does Clark Kent wear to keep the sun out of his eyes?

A: Until he gets caught.
Q: How long does a United States Congressman serve?

Lois is Ed McMahon.  I'm sure you know who that is, right?  I'm dating myself aren't I?  Too bad.  I am Ed and Superman is Carnac the Magnificent.  That is the way our conversations go.   

  Lois:  Bob, dinner's ready.  Your plate is on the table.

   SM:  Where do we eat?

   Lois:  At the dining room table.  Your plate is on the table.

   SM:  Where is that? 

   Lois (very patiently):  Where we eat every meal.  Your plate is on the table.

   SM:  Is this my plate?  Is this mine?

   Lois (again very patiently):  Yes, sweetie :)

I mentioned before about the pill search and the stolen beer search, but have I mentioned the discussions we have about crazy things?  Well, just today, we were at Lowes deciding on new blinds for our new windows in the condo.  He argued with me in front of the nice Lowes' saleslady about whether these blinds were for the outside of the condo or the inside.  I kept saying, "Honey, they are for the inside.  We've never had blinds on the outside of the windows.  That's just not what we're talking about."  Well, that started a 5-minute discussion about outside blinds and he could not get it.  Needless to say, as the transaction proceeded, I felt the need to tell the nice lady (very quietly and so that he couldn't hear) that Bob had a stroke a couple of months ago so she wouldn't think he was just a little on the loony side.  It made for a fun trip to Lowes!!

I think this problem is about his cognitive thinking ability in addition to memory.  Sometimes he talks about things or just mentions something that just doesn't make logical sense.  I think that is a little worse than it was before.  Maybe he has had another mini stroke.  I realize that could be possible, but there really isn't any way to tell.  They don't show up on CT scans unless they are clustered (this is my understanding anyway).  He can't have an MRI because of the metal plate in his head (result of a Vietnam War injury).  So, I'm diagnosing him myself. 

Superman wouldn't know it but Lois is very frustrated this week.  We are settling in as Mr. & Mrs. Superman and we are fine.  But I guess I'm scared as well as frustrated.  I'm scared that he will never have any more memory back.  His vision will probably return.  But the memory, that is the major frustration.  I know it must be harder for him though.  I'm just the observer here.

I left Superman alone a couple of times this week.  He has been just fine by himself and I know he likes it.  Time will tell whether he can fix his own lunch though.  If I am gone during lunch, I try to plan ahead and leave it in the refrigerator ready to eat.   I only hope my sweetie can find the fridge :) 

Smoking update:  I don't think he's been able to find his "dealer" in the last couple of weeks.  The painting and siding repair around the condo property has stopped.  Now, a couple of days before the wedding, his buddies took him out for beers kind of like a bachelor's party. When they dropped him off at the front door, he had a big smile on his face (mmm I hope that was just because he was glad to see me) and he smelled of smoke.  Now the local establishment where they took him is not my idea of a good place to go--a smoky bar.  So he probably had a couple of cigarettes because the smell of smoke would overtake you when you walk in the door.  Any cigarette junkie would not be able to control the urge!  He either got his last puffs in and has not wanted another one, or like I said, his connection has disappeared.  Whatever the reason...no smoking!  Yay!

Change.  We all have to deal with it.  Most people really don't like it.  But Lois Lane wants change!  Right now, it's hard to see it and I want it.  Maybe I'm going a little nuts.  Frustration is taking it's toll.  I hope not, cause if I go crazy we are all in big trouble.  I am impatient and want his recovery to be obviously better like soon.  But, to be honest, I haven't seen much improvement in a while and I guess it's such a slow process that I won't see marked improvement like I did before.  He's staying the same.  His memory has good days and bad, good minutes and bad.  But this last week, like I said above, I feel like he actually may have regressed a little.  It might be my imagination, it might be that I am with him minute by minute.  Don't know.  Am I going nuts?  Boy is it frustrating!

This might not be the most upbeat blog but I guess it reflects my mood this week.  I'm not complaining, I'm just worried and as always impatient.  I do believe that things will get better.  They have to get better.  I know in my heart that things could be so much worse.  He's blessed.  I'm blessed.  God, I thank you for Bob's progress and please continue to bless him.  God, I know change is good!

From the home of Hope & Courage,

Jody

And they lived happily ever after...

Well, we did it!  Superman & Lois got married and went to Costa Rica for a honeymoon! Bob seemed perfectly at ease and didn't forget anything!  It was a perfect April day to have a wedding!  Everything went off without a hitch and all the planning was worth it.  It was so special to have all our families there and to have my son walk me down the aisle (or actually we kind of danced down the aisle to "Fly Me To The Moon" by Frank).  Bob looked so handsome standing with his two good-looking boys waiting for me.  My best friend, Julie, and my sweet daughter, Jennifer, looked so beautiful being my bridesmaids.  Even Bob's new grandson, Weston, let everyone know he was participating with a special squeal toward the end of the ceremony.  I will always remember the way Bob looked at me when Mike (the minister) said we were married--the look of love.  It was the most wonderful day for Superman & Lois.  The day before the wedding, the rehearsal dinner at Paisano's in Norcross was a blast!  Everyone had a wonderful time and ate really good Italian food.  Bob visibly enjoyed himself and couldn't have been more "together" the entire time. 
                                            

Bob's sister and her husband came up from Florida for the wedding and stayed with us.  We enjoyed them so much and they helped me out enormously.  Gale is an artist and is a very creative person.  They brought us the most unique and adorable wedding gift--a ceramic sculpture of two lizards kissing wrapped around each other with their tales coming together in a heart (don't think it's R rated - just PG13)!  It's light pink and light green and it's at least a foot wide.  It sounds crazy and it is, but it's adorable.  She said she knew we didn't need anything but she wanted to give us something that made a statement about us.  She hit the nail...  I love it!  It's on the bookshelf in the living room.

In Cost Rica, we had a very relaxing and wonderful time.  We really didn't do a whole lot, but it was a very nice just to do nothing which we both needed.  I would say the only negative was that Bob's visual impairment kept him from enjoying much of the resort.  I felt sorry for him and hindsight says that we should have waited to go on a trip until he had recovered more of his sight.  But we did and he did enjoy himself.  We enjoyed being with each other!

As I try to resume a "normal" routine, one without wedding lists to make, I see Bob doing the same thing.  Again, we need to find him things to do.  Since our VA routine has been cut out by his therapists dismissing him, he will need something to look forward to each day.  He needs routine and something to do. I'm at a loss.  He says he's going to paint the deck furniture but I don't know if that's too much of a job for him.  He says he needs to reorganize his workshop but I don't see how he can do that.  I guess we will see.  I pray that God gives him some more sight soon so he can be more productive, not for my sake, but for his sake. 

My daughter-in-law and my son (and grandkids) gave us another very special gift--a lovely plaque that reads "And they lived happily ever after."  Words to live by!!

Thank you to everyone who helped with the wedding and who came to the wedding.  It would not have been so beautiful had you not been there to experience it with Bob and me.  Thank you God for everything You have given to Bob and me, and please continue to bless him with strength and endurance, and please give me daily patience and a peaceful spirit.   

From the home of Hope & Courage,
Jody

Piddling and Pilfering

If you know someone who has ADD then you will understand.  I've only known Bob for going on 10 months now and obviously what I know I love.  I know that he had to have had Attention Deficit Disorder at some level his whole life.  I know that Bob was an admitted "piddler."  Now I'm from the South and we all piddle.  Now the first definition in the dictionary of "piddle" is not the one I'm referring to (look that one up yourself-yes, we all do it).  It's the second:  to spend (one's time) aimlessly; fritter.  That's what Bob did and he admitted to this trait with pride.  Since the stroke, it's doubled.  It is definitely good for him to be busy and I try to give him projects to complete.  We are getting ready for company so I had him help me get the deck somewhat ready.  He couldn't stay on task.  He got so frustrated and overwhelmed.  When he worked at his job everyday he was able to stay on track.  The stroke has taken away what ability he had to do that.  The stroke has also taken a lot of physical strength out of him.  He doesn't have the capacity to work at something for very long.  He gets bored and he gets tired.  He has to take a nap most every day.  He never used to do that.  All because of the stroke. 

The question of the day used to be "Where are my pills?" but that question is ignored by this writer and by my doing so, he eventually finds them and proceeds to take the right ones.  Now the newest question to haunt me is "Where is my beer?" or the ever popular accusation "Someone has stolen my beer."  Now it's just Bob & I and I don't drink beer, so....you do the math!  It's usually around 5:00 or 6:00 in an afternoon that this phenomenon occurs but I have tried to ignore it, but since the beer in question could be anywhere in Georgia, I usually have to get involved.  Poor Superman, some bad guy stole his beer.  Now, in addition to that crime, apparently other objects have been reported "stolen" lately.  Occasionally, Buzz (the cat) is accused of this criminal activity and without a fair trial I might add.  But a number of items like Bob's baseball cap (any one of about 20), the remote control, his comb, his razor (now in force), his phone, etc. etc. etc.  I rest my case.  So who is this evil bad guy that is lurking around the condo?  Taking all of Bob's stuff?  Lex Luthor?  Nah.  My job, as Lois Lane, is to convince my sweet, but forgetful, Superman that he simply cannot remember where all of his stuff is at the moment.  Patience, patience, patience!!!   

Update on the beard situation:  We went to the Barber around the corner and he had it shaved off.  He has his sweet face again.  But I have a feeling that I better not get used to the face.  He has said he's planning to grow another one.  He liked not having to shave everyday.  Maybe he will get it trimmed once a week just for me?

Another milestone this week:  I have so much yet to do for the wedding and the trip that I left him for about 1 1/2 hours the other day.  It was his napping time, so I figured he couldn't get into too much trouble, and he knows how to dial 911 and my speed dial number.  It all went well.  He didn't run away.  He was fine when I got home.  I'm going to leave him again for a couple of hours on Thursday.  His progress allows me a little freedom and besides he is sick of going everywhere with me.  One day at a time...

This is National Stroke Awareness Month!!  You can learn more about it and about strokes in general at the following link.  www.stroke.org

Well the next time I blog will be after Bob & I are married and we get back from Costa Rica.  I didn't realize until I got online last night that it's all the way on the other side of the continent.  A long flight!  And it's going to be HOT!!  Now the normal temperature is around mid-80 like here in Atlanta but yesterday it was 100 degrees and felt like 112!!!  Well, if it doesn't get much cooler, I will spend most of the trip indoors in AC!!  And that's ok cause I'll be with Superman.  He will make it all very special! 

From the home of Hope & Courage,
The future Mrs. Superman!

Good Day Sunshine!

Wasn't this a beautiful Easter Weekend!  Full of Sunshine!  This Easter Sunday is really a special day.  To me it's always special just for what it stands for.  But this year it takes on an additional personal "special."  It's special because yesterday I got to briefly be with all four of my grandchildren and watch them be their beautiful selves on a beautiful Easter Saturday afternoon at beautiful farm in Rutledge, Georgia.  Special to be with family that I don't get to see except a few times a year.  Special in that this year, I have Bob in my life.  Even though he's not completely my ole Bob yet, we're getting there.  And we're getting married in 6 days!!  Yikes!!

I feel like my "to do" list gets longer instead of shorter.  By getting ready for the wedding, Bob adds to the list and not always on purpose.  We've been talking about what he will wear, and we had already had his new white shirt washed, starched and ironed.  So I thought we were somewhat ready.  He told me on Friday that his new navy trousers needed pressing.  I looked at them and didn't see what he was seeing.  I kindly said, "honey, they look alright to me, in fact, they were cleaned back before Christmas, and I don't think you've worn them since."  Well, I guess I didn't have Superman's X-ray vision so I couldn't see all the deep creases in the pants.  And by the way, apparently Lois Lane can't iron creases out of Superman's pants.  We had to make a special trip to his favorite dry cleaners.

Bob also needed to pick out his shoes.  He has loads of shoes that he's had for years.  Don't think he's thrown or given away a pair since the 60's.  So when I asked him what shoes he wanted to wear with his navy sport coat and pants, his response was funny.  "Shoes?"  He paused.  I looked at his puzzled look and couldn't help but laugh.  I knew what he was going to say next.  I just knew.  "Do I have shoes?  Where are my shoes?"  We fell into hysterics.  We have begun to laugh a lot at these memory lapses.  He knows how ridiculous it sounds.   I'm so glad that he laughs at himself sometimes.  Laughter is the best medicine, you know.

So are pills.  Pills that have to be taken morning and night.  For Bob it's a memory thing.  Apparently, before I came into his life and BS (before stroke) I quote, "changed everything" he had sort of a routine where he took his blood pressure pills at the kitchen table.  They sat in white VA pill bottles on a lazy susan.  Well, since we now have Buzz the Cat we can't leave things like that out on tables.  Buzz would have a field day knocking them down like crazy.  So they are now in such a nice orderly Sunday-Saturday AM/PM kryptonite container to make it easier for Superman.  And they are housed in the bathroom where it seems more than logical to keep ones pills.  Every morning he asks me where his pills are and I tell him and/or show him.  But today I stopped telling him and told him he would have to find them on his own.  And, after a little frustration, he found them.  And tonight, the same thing.  He remembered.  This is huge because what he's doing is establishing new routines and remembering them as daily routines.  According to the therapist, it is a really big deal.  Today I also got a lot of "I know, I know's."  I reminded him of several things during the day because I didn't think he remembered, but apparently he did.  What a beautiful day this was!  So, this Easter is very special for all of us.

From the home of Hope & Courage, Happy Easter!
Jody

Baskets Full of Easter Joy

HELP WANTED: BUNNY FOR NIGHT SHIFT; EGGS INVOLVED. 

So, how did the Easter Bunny get picked to be THE Easter Bunny anyway?  Why was he picked out of all those other bunnies who were up for the job?  What made him stand out?  Was it because he had the ability to hop higher and farther than the other bunnies?  Just wondering.  Could it be that he was a better egg painter?  Or maybe he just looked better, or had a more hide-the-egg kind of je ne se quoi? Well, considering that there probably were an awful lot of bunnies up for this one job, I bet the rabbit unemployment rate was rather high, don't you?  

I've been unemployed for a while now.  I've always worked (mostly for engineering firms) and I just knew that after Christmas I would certainly find a job.  While I was at the hospital with Bob, I got a call for an interview with an engineering company.  I know--timing is everything right?  I wondered why I got that call at that time.  Of course, I couldn't interview or take a job.  I had to take care of Bob.   I got another call just the other day.  Again, I had to ask God what to do.  Do I try to leave Bob alone, or find someone to be with him all day long?  I want to work, not just because it's what I do, but because after all Bob's not working now.  I prayed about it and I got my answer.  Bob woke up from a nap the other day and said he lost a day somewhere.  I couldn't understand what he meant but he literally could not remember what he had done before the nap--any of it.  I kept telling him over and over but he would look at his watch and think it was 4:00 in the a.m. instead of the pm.  It was my answer.  How could I leave this frustrated and scared man by himself?  I can't.  He's not ready for that and no one knows when he will be.  I wonder why we are tested that way?  Why do opportunities come our way when we least expect them and usually when you must make a choice?  So, my work is here and now with Bob.  This is where I'm supposed to be.  And I am very OK with it. 

Bob really doesn't know I've had to make this decision again.  He did remember that I got a call but he thinks its just for an interview.  I told him the guy just never called me back.  If he knew, he would be upset.  He wants me to go back to work.  That would give him his freedom and independence and he wouldn't have to have me reminding him of things all the time, like his therapy exercises or taking his pills.  He is getting frustrated more and more and I know that means he's getting better.  I have to believe that.  So, maybe the next time an opportunity comes my way, I can accept it.  It will be the right time and it will be the right thing to do.  He's so ready for me not to have to drag him everywhere with me, too.   We went to the eye doctor for me on Tuesday and he could have waited in the waiting room, but no he wanted to wait in the car. It didn't go over to big that it took a little over an hour to have my eyes examined.  He was not a happy camper!!!  So you see, he is still just a GUY!!!  After all, the stroke didn't change everything!!!  Patience was never one of his strong points anyway.  Superman still fits into the same uniform, one leg at a time.  I wonder if the Easter Bunny has any of these issues?  After all, he is a "guy" bunny (haven't heard of a female rabbit up for the job).

I personally used to love Easter when I was a little girl.  I loved getting the basket full of those awful hard candy colored eggs, you know the ones wrapped individually, one big chocolate bunny and, of course, jelly beans.  My favorite ones were the purple and pink ones.  I always got some kind of stuffed critter that I would always take to church with me.  I had quite a stuffed animal collection as I recall.  But I really believed.  I really thought there was this rabbit that actually hopped around the world taking our already dyed Easter eggs and dropping them all over the grass before we got up on Easter morning (or if the weather was bad, in the living room).  Wow, what a gullible kid I was!  I really bought into all of that.  If I think about it, I have been pretty gullible about lots of things, events and people in my life.  But being gullible could also mean trusting.  Because I have been too trusting, I came to a point of distrust in people and I didn't think I could trust anymore.  Then came Superman!  How could you not trust him?  Impossible - he is the speaker of truth, the seeker of justice and the believer in the American Way!  Right? 

So, back to the question about the infamous Easter Bunny, I'd say the bunny had to be up on all the latest rabbit-related issues like carrot production, lettuce consumption, and overpopulation, be able to be technologically advanced for a bunny his age, and, oh yes, very very patient.  Yes, patient.  In all things, patience seems to just pop up, even for The Easter Bunny.  He must be very quiet and precise during his egg adventures, so I'd say patience would definitely be involved.  Yes, I vote for patience!!!  In fact, I pray for patience to be put in my Easter basket!!!  (I pray that Bob gets a little in his also.)

From the home of Hope & Courage,

Happy Easter!

Jody

Hip Hops and Hallelujahs!

Bob and I were sitting on the sofa on Saturday and laughing at our wedding plans.  We've decided it's going to be fun and have a surprise or two in it.  It will be unconventional and since Emily Post will not be in attendance, we can pretty much do whatever we want to.  I told him I planned to sing to him.  He looked at me and thought I just might be serious and said, "No, please don't."  I asked him why not and he couldn't come up with a good reason.  I told him I wanted to be Shania Twain and sing her "From this Moment" which I just knew I could do justice to....he couldn't keep a straight face.  Then he said he wasn't going to shave his beard for the wedding.  You see he hasn't shaved since the stroke.  He looks pretty scruffy to me, but he loves it.  It's all white and I think it makes him look much older.  I have told him many times, that I fell in love with a much younger man and I wanted to keep it that way.  So, now he was threatening me with a no shave gesture.  So, I had to confess there would be no singing on my part.  Somehow though, I got no more promises about the beard.  I am beginning to wonder...will Superman shave or won't he...to be continued.

Yikes! (one of Bob's favorite phrases) The wedding countdown is 13 days and we're hopping down the bunny trail.  I'm checking things of the list like crazy.  Finally found a dress on Friday.  My daughter's fiancee stayed with Bob.  He was not happy about me leaving him with a Bob-sitter.  This is a good thing, that he was grumpy about it.  I think it means he's getting better and better.  I'm thinking he might be ready for me to start allowing him more independence and I can start leaving him alone for short periods of time.  I know he wants it as much as I do, if not more.  He still gets turned around in the condo but he eventually finds his way.  I'm learning to LET him find his way, instead of answering his "where is the" questions.  I have noticed that his memory is a lot better in the last couple of days.  My future daughter-in-law gave me an idea for a dry-erase board to be a REMINDER BOARD that might make it easier.  I'm going to try that.  And he can use his new phone pretty well now; we practice all the time.  I'm on speed dial and he can see to dial 911.  He actually called me today.  He was down in his workshop and I was upstairs. I was so excited.  One giant hop for mankind!!

More good news!  He hasn't smoked since going to the neurologist.  So maybe it sunk in.  I, of course, the ever vigilant sniffer can smell a puff of smoke from a mile away (new nickname:  the Nose) and I haven't.  Got my paws crossed! 

This week we don't have a VA therapist appointment until Thursday.  In fact, the Speech therapist has dismissed us.  Of course, I've got lots of continued therapy that she gave me to do, and I've got the vision therapy and occupational activities.  The VA has now decided that he needs to see their vision therapist (I didn't even know they had one), and a geriatric-neuro psychological person (??) for Bob's memory.  Hey, the more the merrier for after the wedding.  Since we are low on therapists this week, we can concentrate on all things "wedding."   

Chalk this week up to a Bad News/Good News week--mostly Good News for all of us silly wabbits.  After all it's the beginning of Easter Week and that's always Good News!  Hallelujah!

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."

From the home of Hope & Courage,
Jody

They asked me how I knew, my true love was true...

Now you really have to be "old" to remember that song.  Well it's the only song I could think of about smoke.  I can't stand smoking.  What am I doing with a man who smokes?  I don't know.  You'd think I was drawn to it or something.  I won't allow it to be inside the house.  My parents smoked, as a lot of baby boomers' parents did.  I remember riding in the car with the windows barely cracked and my Mom and Dad smoking in the front seat.  I sat in the back holding my nose.  Gee, I wonder why I have asthma?  Cough, cough!


"Be Honest Bob."  My words.
"When was the last time you had a cigarette?" The doctor's words. 
"Yesterday."

He was honest.  He was truthful.  (I don't know where he got one.  There must be a dealer on the corner.  He came back from getting the mail and he was puffing away.)  Today was not a pleasant experience for either of us.  Bob and I listened to the Neurologist tell him the BAD NEWS.  He has artery disease which is apparently something he has had for anywhere from 10-15 years.  Who knew?  Not Bob.  According to the doctor, Bob has been experiencing mini-strokes for all that time.  He just had a large stroke in February.  The doc gave him the riot act about cigarettes and even his beer.  Don't know how this will affect him.  I guess we'll see if it sinks in.

The doctor said that the bottom line was "if you don't stop smoking, you will probably have another stroke within 6-12 months and the likelihood of it being "the big one" and leaving you in the total care of your girlfriend or either very dead is great."

THE GOOD NEWS:  if he can behave and not smoke and not drink as many beers then his chances of recovery are very good.  Yea!  Way to go!  Go Bob!  Have you got that spirit?  (Oops, cheerleader flashback!)

I only see two problems here.  One, he's Bob and very stubborn and has smoked all his life.  Getting someone to change unless they want to is impossible.  But I still have hope.  Two, he will probably forget that the doctor did scare him today.  He will forget and not feel the fear again like when the doc said that he could die soon from another stroke.  I guess I can scare the stuffing out of him on a daily basis.  After all, I'm a mother.  What mother hasn't done that to a child?  If you keep that up, your eyes will stick like that. 

What can I really do?  I don't know.  I guess I can follow him everywhere he goes and never let him leave my sight.  So that the nasty dealer on the corner can't put a gun to his head and make him take a cigarette.  Or nothing different.  Keep on keepin' on and remind him of today, love him and support him.  I will do my best that is all I can do.  Pray. Pray. Pray.  Pray that he changes for himself and me.  Pray that God allows us to have a life together.

They asked me how I knew
My true love was true
Oh, I of course replied
Something here inside cannot be denied


They said someday you'll find
All who love are blind
Oh, when your heart's on fire
You must realize
Smoke gets in your eyes

From the home of Hope & Courage,

Jody

Will you still need me; Will you still feed me; When I'm sixty-four?

Well, that's me, Lois Lane (if only I looked that good and that young).  It's AS (after stroke) and I have a responsibility to Bob!!!  Excuse me, Superman.  To make sure his injustices are not ignored.  Boy, I wish it was that easy.  Sometimes I am too old and too tired to fight the forces of evil. 

Bob is a stubborn man.  Aren't all men?  Especially men (and women) who have been here on this earth awhile.  We know it all and we will be the first ones to tell the younger generation how it is.  So, Bob has been told numerous times that he is supposed to eat healthy and not to smoke.  Well, because he is afflicted with short term memory loss, he forgets that he can't do these things until confronted. At times he has even forgotten that he has had a stroke.  I think sometimes maybe it's a convenient forgetfulness and that makes me upset.  But nicotine addiction is strong. Every once in a while, he finds a cigarette.  One time he asked the painter outside, one time the garbage man, and one time he found one in his car.  I went through his car but he must have a stash somewhere. The other night, he took off his socks and a pack of cigarettes fell to the floor and he looked astounded because he had forgotten it was there.   I felt like a cop finding drugs on a perp. We both burst out laughing at first, then I was all serious when I gave him the "No Smoking" lecture and what the doctor said, etc. etc.

I don't want to be a policeman.  So sometimes I don't say anything.  Sometimes Lois just doesn't have the stamina and strength and I have my weak moments...moments when when we go out for breakfast and he orders a Belgum Waffle with strawberries and vanilla ice cream AND SYRUP and I just sit there!!  I don't say anything because I don't want to see the defiance in his eyes.  There is this little boy who doesn't want anyone to tell him how to live, or what to eat or drink.  The rest of his life is at my mercy, and he wants some independence back.  I can not imagine how horrible he feels. 

And I'm scared.  I'm scared of the memory lapses.  I'm being honest here.  I'm scared that his memory will not come back.  I am told that he will probably get the vision back, but the memory is questionable.  He doesn't realize it but he is a broken record.  Some days are so repetitious they are predictable.  When we leave the house, Bob always asks me if I have the keys, then do I know where we are going, and later while we are driving, if I know where I am...it goes like this every day.  He doesn't remember these things.  This scares me.  He can ask me where his phone is five times in ten minutes.  Some days I see no improvement in the memory area.   But then there are times when it's like nothing happened.  And out of the blue, he will surprise me and remember something that happened recently. 

We went to the eye clinic on Friday where they have a program for stroke victims.  They evaluated him and gave him a good prognosis for vision recovery.  We were thrilled at what they said.  The vision therapist gave us exercises to do at home, so we'll keep you posted on the progress.  Bob's Primary Care Physician told us that she wanted to get him into a program for "forgetful" people (mostly old people...I didn't tell him that).  So there will be future memory therapy as well as vision therapy, occupational and speech therapy.  I think after we see the neurologist next week, we will have done all, medically-speaking, that we can to help Bob with recovery.

I think all in all Lois Lane and Superman are doing pretty well I suppose.  We're not kids and anytime you have to go through a trauma, whether physical or mental, its just plain hard.  The effects are doubled with age.  In fact, even though it's all a relative issue, if you're over 60 - well, you're kinda old.  Whether the patient or the caregiver, at this age, it takes a toll.  You get plain ornery.  You get irritable and you're not always the best person you can be.  Get my drift here?  I am beginning to understand why old people act like they don't care what other people think.  I'm getting there.  I had two elderly aunts who were as cute as they could be.  When they were in their 80's (I think), we all went to dinner with my father, who was also 82.  They were hysterical.  They were demanding, and unforgiving to the waiters.  I remember asking one of them, why she was being so demanding.  Her reply was (and I'm as serious as a stroke), "because I'm old and I am deserving."  At the time, I was shocked that she felt that way.  But I understand better now.  Bob and I are on our way down that road.


On Saturday a somewhat forgetful Superman and a stressed-out Lois Lane went to lunch and sat together on the same side of a booth.  We giggled like teenagers, cuddled and held hands and Bob kissed me a couple of times.  I know people don't know what to make of two old geezers acting like that.  But we didn't care and I love it.  We forgot about the stroke for a little while and pretended like nothing had ever happened.  Like we were BS (before stroke).

From the home of Hope & Courage,
Jody