Power Outage

This week was painful.  First of all, I had minor (compared to brain surgery anyway) surgery on Monday.  I'm still sore and still taking an occasional pain pill but overall, I think I'm going to live.  Phew!!  Lois Lane is going to be fine to help Superman save the world.  Superman on the other hand is having trouble with adjusting to the situation.  I think it's because our everyday schedule has been disrupted.  He likes a schedule (sort of).  He only had to stay by himself for a couple of hours on Monday while I recuperated from surgery and then on Tuesday until my daughter came and picked him up to go get me from the hospital.   As a result, Superman had to fix his own lunch on Tuesday!!  (da da da DUH)  I called him from my hospital bed around lunchtime on Tuesday and tried to instruct him in step by step on making a sandwich.  He can't see good enough to find items in the fridge.  So I remembered the meatloaf wrapped in aluminum foil and told him to get it, some ketchup on the door and bread on the counter.  He was set!!  When my daughter came to the hospital to pick me up, along with Bob and my future son-in-law, she told me what she had found when she had gone to my house.  

"Mom, there was remnants of some kind of sandwich on the counter in the kitchen.  He had made a sandwich out of chocolate cake and ketchup."

We couldn't help but to burst out laughing.  Apparently, Superman could not distinguish between a gooey chocolate dessert and my meatloaf.  How in the world did he eat this I asked him.  He said it did taste a little funny.  Ya, got to laugh!!!

Also, this change of schedule, where I'm mostly lying in bed all day, has made him even more fidgety.  He is going stir crazy because I can't drive and so he asks me for the car keys.  Again, the "Hide the Keys" game becomes daily!  I promised him when I could drive we'd go on errands, have lunch out and do whatever he would like to do.  Not good enough!  He takes a lot of walks outside which ends up being good for him.  Of course, that's just my opinion.

I'm a lot better now.  I can fix lunch and even heat up leftovers so things are starting to get back to normal.  Lately though, Superman is showing SUPER STUBBORN POWER!!!  I guess if you are Superman, you are allowed to have this super power.  I, being Lois Lane, didn't realize that this was a super power until now.  I have had to brush up on a well-known womanly power known as "anti-grump-stubborn-irritable male" power.  You know the one ladies.  It gets us through those dark days when men have turned themselves into annoying beings.  So armed with my super power I will combat his super power and we will see who comes out the winner.

We have to go to the VA this coming week.  A doctor's appointment and vision testing.  Busy week.

The Power struggle between men and women is ongoing.  When a situation evokes the necessity for one person to exhibit "power" over another then there lies the problem.  But Power really only comes from God.  If we accept this in our lives, the more peace we will experience.  I wish Superman would relinquish his power and realize that my efforts are for his own good and that the big stuff I leave to God. I've discovered the Serenity Prayer.  It's not just for recovering addicts and alcoholics but for anyone who needs patience and acceptance like me (and Bob).  I want to thank God for all he has given us and pray that I have enough strength to face the future with Bob.

From the home of Hope & Courage,

Jody

Don't Worry, Be Happy!

Often in my life a little rain must fall.  In fact, in everyone's life rain falls.  But, thanks to the wonderful traits handed down to me from my late mother, I make the rain worse by worrying about where it will fall, how hard it will fall, will there be lightening or thunder with the rain--you get the drift.  I, unfortunately, have passed this trait onto my kids.  Poor dears.  I know intellectually that I don't need to worry, in fact, it does no good to worry.  I have no control over most things and so it's futile to worry about anything.  But I do.  Now I mostly worry about Superman!  Lois worries about Superman!  I have to have minor surgery tomorrow and I will be gone for one night.  His son and daughter-in-law will be staying with him but I still worry about when I get home and I have to be taken care of.  Will he be OK?  I'm sure he probably will but nevertheless I will worry.  

There are things I have to take care of to make sure Superman will be OK.  Things have to be left out on the kitchen counter because he can't find anything in cabinets.  We have to rehearse where food is in the refrigerator, change the cat litter (that's not for him), and lots of other things.  I got up this morning worrying so much that everything wouldn't get done.  Now, I am a list maker, so the list was written and crossed off.  There's one more thing I had to do.

I had to hide my car keys.  Superman keeps forgetting that he can't drive.  Now, don't worry, you don't have to hide because of the threat of Bob in his Corvette!  Not gonna happen!  I think it's just so hard for him to accept the fact that he can't drive.  He forgets and says things like, "Give me the keys and I'll take this trash to the dumpster."  Very casually.  I have to then give him the reality check.  Its so hard.  He immediately argues with me and tells me that I can't tell him what to do, etc.  I have to just walk away or we will argue and it doesn't do us any good.  I guess we went through that about 5 or 6 times this week.  It's not new but more frequent.  I've decided to hide my keys just in case.  I'd love for Superman (alias Clark Kent) to be able to drive Lois around in his cool car.  It would be like it was before.  Before the stroke.

Smoking Alert!  He has gotten a pack of cigarettes somewhere and he's hiding them.  Don't know what I can do about it.  I might have to go on a hunt during the middle of the night...in other words, RAID!!!

I have so much to worry about I could do just that all day long!!!  But I must put it all in God's hands. 

From the home of Hope & Courage,
Jody

Superman's Strange Case

The story of "The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" is that of a dual personality disorder of a scientist.  Today the term "Jekyll and Hyde" is used to mean that the two personalities of a person are very different in moral character from one another.  That's not the case in this story of Dr. J and Mr. H.  This story of different temperaments or moods goes on in my very own condo.  Yep, Superman is struggling with two personalities.  I know it's because of the stroke and I keep having to remind myself over and over.  I read that the caregiver must realize that the emotions of the victim are coming from the stroke not from his own self.  So I can be mad at the stroke not at the man!  I know this intellectually.  When Bob and I first met he was such an easy going guy.  I don't remember him ever changing his mood much and he rarely complained.  Now he stresses, gets irritated and downright mad and I'm the recipient of all of it.  I am the bad guy!  I am the enemy when the "other" personality of Superman appears.  It is amazing how he can perk up when we see other people though.  Why is that?  When we go out, he can be the old Bob and so friendly and nice and happy go lucky!  It's infuriating.  I know it's because I am the day to day person in his life.  I'm the closest. 

I think (and I'm analyzing here) that when he gets up in the morning he realizes that he's not the same.  It's like waking up and still being in a dream or in this case, a nightmare.  He's not the same.  He can't see well.  He can't read.  He can't drive (even though he thinks he still can which makes me hide my keys) or work.  He can't remember.  I have to constantly remind him of the CANs.  He can walk and talk and think.  He can carry on a conversation with anyone.  He can be part of a relationship with me.  He can hold his baby grandson and watch him grow up.  He can get married and have his grandson be at his wedding.  He can take care of all his daily needs except for fixing food.  That's a challenge because he can't see where the food is or remember where things are in the kitchen.  But there are soooooooo very many things he can do.  He is so blessed that the stroke did not do more damage.  I am so happy for that blessing.

There are times when I have to just let him be his unhappy self.  I bite my tongue (not an easy thing for me to do as anyone who knows me can attest to).  There is nothing I can do about it.  I can't fix Superman.  I have no responsibility to be the fixer.  All I can do is be here for him when he needs me; or if he wants to vent about things.  But men don't talk about issues whether they've had a stroke or not.  I think women handle everything better than men because we have the ability to talk about everything.  But this Dr. J and Mr. H. thing is hard on a new marriage.  But I don't know what I'm talking about (according to Superman).

There are lots of good times in our young (I use the term loosely) marriage.  Superman and Lois live a good life and really can't complain.  I love him, he loves me and most every day there are some definite high points.  It's a work in progress -- just like all marriages.  I just have to be on guard and make sure I don't let my emotions get in the way of being patient and strong.  I pray to God to please give me those qualities so I can do and say the right things in order to help and not hinder Bob's progress and our relationship.  I thank Him so much for His blessings.

This coming week we go to the VA for an appointment with someone that maybe he will talk to.  It couldn't hurt and I think it just might help.

When anyone asks Superman how he is feeling or just how he is in general, he responds:
     "I'm fine, great."


From the home of Hope & Courage,
Jody

Come sail away!

Sailing

Takes me away

To where I always heard it could be

Just a dream and the wind to carry me

And soon I will be free

I loved the song "Sailing" by Christopher Cross.  Remember it?   He painted a picture with his voice and words.  It was so nice to listen while closing your eyes and visualizing the peacefulness.  Life can be like that and then some.  Life can be like sailing on a large sailboat.  First of all, this time last year I would have no way predicted that I could find the love of my life, gotten engaged and then married.  I just let the life's sailboat carry me through the rough waters to the calm waters of last year.  I met my Superman.

Then came some rough seas.  The AS (after Stroke) time warp!  I, of course, would never have predicted that I would be daily helping my soul mate navigate through his life because of a stroke.  You know that's a good word--navigate.  I'm definitely the one trying to steer the boat through this first stage of our marriage.  Don't get me wrong, Bob is better.  If I look back to the day I brought him home from the hospital, he's so very much improved.  That's what I have to do--look back to the beginning to bring myself forward.  That is way I realize improvement.  He is helping me at the helm little by little.  So as I attempt to navigate, with God's help, I notice some strange and wonderful things on our horizon.

I have decided that Superman & Lois have SUPER GRANDCHILDREN!  Of course, we do.  Yesterday, Bob and I spent the evening with my family for the April birthday party.  The celebration consisted of my granddaughter Olivia's birthday, my new grandson, Daniels, first birthday in the USA, even my youngest granddaughter's March (they snuck her in), and my birthday as well.  It was such a lovely get together and Bob and I enjoyed watching the kids do their thing.  Daniel with his Star Wars paraphernalia with Ava helping him while watching a Star Wars movie on TV; Olivia being a beautiful 13 year old observing just from the outside the main circle and Brady catching fly balls with his Dad, my son, Brad.  We enjoyed every minute. 

Last weekend, we spent an evening with Bob's new grandson, Weston, Bob's youngest son, Matt and his wife, Anne.  Bob is so full of joy watching that little baby and every time we see him he changes.  That young family is on our horizon.  Today we will see Bob's other son, Mike and his wife, Dianne.  We'll probably go out to lunch and have a really special afternoon.  This is our future.  This is family.  No matter what lies ahead of our journey, the families will be there; the grandchildren will be there.  Constant ships on the horizon!

The unknown is there though.  Those unknown unrecognized blurry objects that you can't really see out there even when you look through your binoculars!  While standing on the swaying deck, you can't see them; they are obscure.  As I try to steer us through one step at a time, I keep hitting those small iceburgs (in Georgia?) or maybe it's just large waves in Lake Lanier?  As Bob gets better, he also becomes a little more depressed.  It's the realization that he is not working, that he can't handle the finances, that he can't drive; I guess all the can'ts.  I try to remind him that Superman has come a long way baby!  He CAN be left alone for short periods of time.  He CAN remember better than he could before.  He CAN see a little better than he did before.  The CAN's do outshine the can'ts.  Now it's the mental and emotional aspects of Superman that seem to overcome our daily lives.  

Please God, steer us on the right course.  Please make our journey the one you want us to take.  Please give Bob & I patience to endure the crossing.

I have found a fantastic discussion group on the National Stroke Association Facebook page that has opened my eyes and given me such an awareness of other stroke caregivers and victims.  The woman on the Spouse Caregivers discussion group are amazing.  They are a handful of women from around the globe who have put their lives on hold for their spouses.  They care for the loves of their lives and are angels with huge wings!  To participate in this group make me realize that my small issues with Bob's stroke symptoms and behavior are so minimal compared to what these women have gone through and are still going through on a daily basis.  It also give me a place to vent knowing that these women have been where I am and beyond.  God bless them all!

From the home of Hope & Courage,

Jody