The story of "The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" is that of a dual personality disorder of a scientist. Today the term "Jekyll and Hyde" is used to mean that the two personalities of a person are very different in moral character from one another. That's not the case in this story of Dr. J and Mr. H. This story of different temperaments or moods goes on in my very own condo. Yep, Superman is struggling with two personalities. I know it's because of the stroke and I keep having to remind myself over and over. I read that the caregiver must realize that the emotions of the victim are coming from the stroke not from his own self. So I can be mad at the stroke not at the man! I know this intellectually. When Bob and I first met he was such an easy going guy. I don't remember him ever changing his mood much and he rarely complained. Now he stresses, gets irritated and downright mad and I'm the recipient of all of it. I am the bad guy! I am the enemy when the "other" personality of Superman appears. It is amazing how he can perk up when we see other people though. Why is that? When we go out, he can be the old Bob and so friendly and nice and happy go lucky! It's infuriating. I know it's because I am the day to day person in his life. I'm the closest.
I think (and I'm analyzing here) that when he gets up in the morning he realizes that he's not the same. It's like waking up and still being in a dream or in this case, a nightmare. He's not the same. He can't see well. He can't read. He can't drive (even though he thinks he still can which makes me hide my keys) or work. He can't remember. I have to constantly remind him of the CANs. He can walk and talk and think. He can carry on a conversation with anyone. He can be part of a relationship with me. He can hold his baby grandson and watch him grow up. He can get married and have his grandson be at his wedding. He can take care of all his daily needs except for fixing food. That's a challenge because he can't see where the food is or remember where things are in the kitchen. But there are soooooooo very many things he can do. He is so blessed that the stroke did not do more damage. I am so happy for that blessing.
There are times when I have to just let him be his unhappy self. I bite my tongue (not an easy thing for me to do as anyone who knows me can attest to). There is nothing I can do about it. I can't fix Superman. I have no responsibility to be the fixer. All I can do is be here for him when he needs me; or if he wants to vent about things. But men don't talk about issues whether they've had a stroke or not. I think women handle everything better than men because we have the ability to talk about everything. But this Dr. J and Mr. H. thing is hard on a new marriage. But I don't know what I'm talking about (according to Superman).
There are lots of good times in our young (I use the term loosely) marriage. Superman and Lois live a good life and really can't complain. I love him, he loves me and most every day there are some definite high points. It's a work in progress -- just like all marriages. I just have to be on guard and make sure I don't let my emotions get in the way of being patient and strong. I pray to God to please give me those qualities so I can do and say the right things in order to help and not hinder Bob's progress and our relationship. I thank Him so much for His blessings.
This coming week we go to the VA for an appointment with someone that maybe he will talk to. It couldn't hurt and I think it just might help.
When anyone asks Superman how he is feeling or just how he is in general, he responds:
"I'm fine, great."
From the home of Hope & Courage,
Jody
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