Losing Control

I really think Bob has been having some mini-strokes for maybe a month.  He admitted just yesterday that there have been times at work where he got very confused and disoriented.  We went to Mexico two days after Christmas and at the Delta counter he had one of those little episodes.  I didn't connect it with a stroke or anything but he did get very confused about his I.D. and passport.  And his short term memory had been getting worse and worse.  I just thought he wasn't paying attention to me (you know like men do naturally).  I even thought he was deliberately being a pain in the rear.

Well a week ago last Thursday he apparently had another "confusion" episode and of course didn't tell anyone.  On Friday, he felt awful, he had a small driving mishap at work, and then he bumped his beautiful Corvette into someone parked in the snow.  He complained of a slight headache and he took an aspirin before he went to bed (I think that aspirin saved his life).  He woke up and didn't feel like going to work.  Now anyone who knows Bob, knows nothing but a vacation could keep him from work.  So this was odd...he also couldn't manage his cell phone.  I feel awful now that I couldn't see what was happening.  That morning he kept telling me he just didn't feel like himself and his visual depth perception was a "bit off."  He was kind of quiet but he went outside and salted the driveway so I thought he was feeling better.  When he came inside, he tried to see his e-mails but said he couldn't focus on the computer screen.  I began to worry.  We took his blood pressure--it was fine.  He began to speak in gibberish.  I was scared and I called his son and then dialed 911.  Things started to spin out of control.

So, they took Bob to the ER and he stayed in the hospital for a couple of day.  They tested him, all but an MRI because he has a metal plate in his from a war injury.  But yes, he had a stroke.  Parietal Lobe mainly.  He doesn't have right side peripheral vision and depth perception & focusing issues.  His short-term memory is much worse.  Therapy began in the hospital:  Speech therapy for his "aphasia" which is like calling a sofa a bed, and not being able to express himself fully and completely; writing and reading and some memory work.  Occupational therapy for his vision issues mainly.

Bob came home and the hardest thing he has to deal with, I think, is the loss of control.   Like I said in the first blog, Bob has always done whatever he wanted to do.  Lived like he was charmed.  Thought he was always in control - WRONG!!!  He was never in control, and now he knows it.  We talked about this the other day.  God is the only one who is in control.  That is hard for Bob like for everyone really.  His life is now dictated by his present disabilities and Me.  I'm the bossy one.  It's tough to lose control and then realize life will probably never go back to what it was before.  Not that it will be worse - only different.  So while God is in control, we pray that He steer Bob right back on the track.

From the home of Hope & Courage,
Jody