Memories...like the corners of your mind...

Another week of therapy sessions.  I think I see signs of improvement.  But then all of a sudden, Bob will go into a memory lapse.  I see him trying so hard to remember something as simple as looking at his wallet and remembering what all those cards are for.  And he's confused.  I feel so bad for him.  He almost has a panic attack sometimes because it scares him so.

If I try to help, he pushes me away.  And though he's not a person to lose his temper, he gets so frustrated that he borders on yelling at me.  That's not my Bob.  All I can do is sit beside him while he goes through this episode and wait for it to pass.  And it does.  God please give Bob the ability to remember the memories that he has lost.  

He remembers most things.  He knows we are getting married on April 10th and he still wants to go to Costa Rica.  He told me he doesn't want to live the rest of his life as if something might happen.  He's right.  Something might happen anyway.  To either one of us.  There are no guarantees about our time on earth.  He remembers people in his life.  He remembers things he's done.  For some reason he doesn't remember food eaten and I say, "So What!"  It's no big deal.  After all I'm not a gourmet cook and it's just as well that he doesn't remember my cooking. 

I am establishing routines for him so it will be easier for him to remember day to day things.  I think it's working - slowly.  I hope and pray that most of the big stuff memories along with the short term memory will come back to him.  I seem to say a lot things over and over and Lord knows I try not to sound impatient with him (though I know sometimes I do). 

The brain, I'm learning, is an amazing organ.  It does have the ability to re-learn a lot of what is taken away for whatever reason.  The way it works is a miracle and doctors still don't understand all that goes on inside our heads.  I know I can forget things on a regular basis but lately I have to be "on target."  I have to remember things because I can't depend on anyone else to do so.  I have to remember.  I have to make my brain--my sixty year old brain--think and remember like, oh a 40--year old brain.  In that way, I'm exercising my brain while Bob is exercising his brain.  Two brains are definitely better than one!

From the home of Hope & Courage,
Jody