It's been one month since our lives changed. It's been one month since my plans for the future took on a new outlook. I should know better. I've always been a planner (I got that from my Mother who planned out her Christmas dinner one year in advance) and every time I planned out my future as far as I could, it changed. Something happened in my life to bring me to a halt. I should know that we are not the One planning our lives. It's those U-turns in the road that you don't plan on, the curves and ditches that sometimes make life hard. It's those potholes that build character? I don't know about character. I don't know about how we handle adversity proving our character. I don't know. All I know is that Bob and I are no longer living in a dreamworld looking for rainbows. We are seeing reality and I don't always like it. There are glimpses of rainbows and clouds. Just glimpses. There are still sweet "I love you's" from each of us, still a twinkle in Bob's eye when he says, "Jody, you crack me up." But we are not on that cloud anymore. We are firmly down on the ground.
Sometimes when the plan changes, its a good thing. Bob told me that he wasn't going to let me go. He told me that on our 3rd date. I didn't know what to think of this very bold man. He was very confident that he was going to sweep me off my feet and make me feel just like he did. I think it was the 6th date that he said he loved me. I kept saying things like, "You don't even know me, well enough to say that" and "Stop saying that...you can't mean that." But it didn't stop. He said he knew right away that I was the one. It took me a little longer, but once I realized it, our path, our future was set. He's such a very good man. A friend told me that anyone could probably get a man, but the trick was to get a good man! I did. I am so blessed. But Bob wasn't in my plan. He was a surprise. I happily had to change the plan.
Bob proposed to me while we were in the North Georgia Mountains in October. The mountains are my favorite place to be. He gave me the most beautiful diamond ring and I have to admit, this is my very first engagement ring. Waited long enough, huh? I haven't seen the wedding band, but I know that Bob picked out something just as beautiful. That's Bob. He plans too.
A couple of days before Bob went to the ER, we were talking about the wedding plans and he was teasing me about how complicated everything was getting. I kept trying to make him be serious and help me with a head count and other things. He would not stop making silly comments and I was ready to hit him over the head with my "to do" notebook. My planning notebook. I write everything in it. It's my life - planned out as far as I possibly can. I also have calendars to do the same thing. Like I said, I plan - it's a curse (thanks, Mom). Bob made fun of my notebook. I promptly ignored him and decided to go work on my computer calendar.
This week, one of Bob's therapists, told us to keep a calendar and make a "to do" list IN LARGE PRINT so that Bob could practice reading it and remembering what our daily schedules were. I kind of silently smiled to myself knowing this was already happening in my life but I just didn't always share every detail (and it is very detailed) with Bob. The new kind of planning is different. We are doing it as an exercise that can be flexible not something that cannot change.
This week has been a positive one. I have seen some progress in both the vision and memory areas. Small steps. Small acceptances, too. Some colors of red, yellow, green and blue. Hints of the rainbow. I love this man so dearly and I want him to be whole again. He deserves to have his life back. He deserves the rainbows. I pray that God gives us the patience to wait it out. To help me to take it one day, even one hour or one minute, at a time and realize that His plan is much better than my plan.
From the home of Hope & Courage,
Jody
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